Thoughts at 4 AM

Motherhood.  What an incredible gift. It's 4:20 AM and I'm wide awake after only 2 and a half hours of sleep and I'm staring down at the most beautiful and previous gift I've ever been given... I want to remember this. The way his tiny hands are always up right next to his face. The sound of labored breathing through his nose as he suck suck gulps... Pause... Suck suck gulp... Gulp gulp gulp... The touch of softest skin against my arm, my fingers as I admire the most perfect little cheeks with the slightest amount of peach fuzz. Awesomely crazy bed head with hair flying in every direction some matted to your head... Legs stretched out across my torso, tickling your back and feet to keep you awake to eat... I stare down at you and a million emotions run through my head. Intense love and admiration that cannot be described... Hope for the future while crying inside at the thought of you changing and being anything but this tiny human that I can't stop holding and smothering in kisses. Heartache knowing you will inevitably one day feel the same... Gratitude that The Lord would entrust such a special gift to your dad and I that we get to be your parents... What an amazing Grace! And to think God's love is infinitely more abundant than anything I have to give... I don't know how many strands of  hair are on top of that perfect little head but He does! I could never imagine even the thought of giving up my son to save all of humanity... I wouldn't even entertain the thought... But God did that! He selflessly loved me and my son and gave up
His own to save us! Wow! I mean can you even fathom??? These are the thoughts that run through my mind at 4 AM... As hard as it can be some nights I'm so thankful for this time... The quiet stillness  that gives me room to reflect and pray and dream. I love you, little one! With my whole heart!